Ah… jealousy, on of the least famous sins.

Silent Jealousy, or in this case interwebs jealousy. I have been doing better as of late, the key to teaching at a bad school is to stop caring. I mean about everything. Now, that might sound so terrible to someone on the outside looking in. “But Fulgore, THINK OF THE CHILDREN” one might be heard saying. Well, when i got here i was crazy with trying to be the best i could. I am a bit of a perfectionist when it comes to things that have my name on them, i want to be the best and i want to always strive hard to be great. Back in the olden days (march) When classes failed i analyzed and corrected. When students slept i woke them and when students talked i politely asked them to pay attention. You know… silly things that normal humans do when in a public setting. Flash forward to now, not so much. The sleeping child is left to sleep, the talking child is ignored and the broken class limps along. Lets just say life is better now. I do still teach the material and i do still plan classes and do my job, i just don’t carry any expectations anymore.

The only time i feel upset anymore is when i am out with other EPIK teachers or i am on facegroup and read about someone teaching at a school that specializes in English and the kids are all superstars and i see a video of a class that is an actual class with quiet kids listening and caring. THAT my friend is when my blood boils and i start to feel that wonderful sin jealousy (bet you were wondering when i would work that into the post huh). I try to always keep away from the “why me” bullshit. I don’t generally think much about things in that way, life just is. But every now and then it creeps in and twists in my tiny pea brain. Why was i sent to a low school instead of one of these glorious factories of English superstar children that i hear about? Who chose me and how can i hurt them? I guess in the long run these things must be let go just as everything else negative in life. You choose to hold onto it and let the hate burn or you let it go and feel joy.

A great many years of my life were spent with hate and rage burning in my heart. It got me nowhere, so now i try to let it go. Like the glorious gigantic hair from the X Japan video, some things just gotta be let go. Viva la X Japan, Viva la Revolution, Viva my sanity. I am looking forward to going to an Indie Music festival this weekend, i hope to bring back some stories and a few new non k-pop groups to share with you all. Until then stay thirsty my friends.


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