What gets me through…

At a time of flipping back and forth from sadness to rage to depression I have to really focus on maintaining a holding pattern and not flipping out. I woke this morning to feelings of every student and every co-teacher not giving a rats ass if i was here or not. Now how true or false that statement (unfortunately for me it is more true than false in my opinion) i really need to chill out and deal with my unstable emotions. As they say in Star Trek, currently i am “emotionally compromised” and really need to get a grip. It is hard because there doesn’t seem to be any external influences that are shining a light and saying it will be okay. Family and friends are supportive but when i went to school on friday and was so quiet and sad not a single person noticed or asked what was wrong. To me that is kinda a red flag that truly i am a ghost here, just walking the walk until my time is done and i get back on the big jet to America.

I know that my school does not care about learning or english, but i kinda had hoped there would be a slight interest in a foreigner but sadly that is not the case.  So now what, focus on my trips to Japan and saving money for a guitar amp. Not sure what will get me through but unfortunately i don’t think it will be students or teachers… might just come down to what is usually does in my life: beer, rage and the stupid refusal to quit even when it is the smartest option. Guess we will see.

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