Come with me if you want to live…

Okay, that is a stretch but i love Austrian Death Machine so i had to make it work… Today’s post could be used for good or evil depending on your intentions. I have lived in S. Korea for a few months now and i have come to know their weaknesses. There seem to be a few things that could be exploited.

1 – small boards! small boards you say to yourself as you scratch your head. That’s right very slight door frame boards. Let me elaborate, i am in a separate classroom dedicated to the “study” of English language. I will leave the “study English” for some future ramblings. This English room has a sliding door (like sliding glass doors but made of wood). We are a few months into the semester and i witness a MINIMUM of 60% of the students stumble and fall – tripped by the tiny TINY wooden frame the door slides on. So, bottom line is any invading army needs only sneak into the country and tack tiny boards on every walkway and i am fairly certain that most of the Korean troops would stumble and fall. I will say at least 60% will unless the military employes some treachery like teaching soldiers how to step over tiny boards.

2 – Climate Control! Again, i can feel the collective head tilt of my readers. Stay with me… in the winter i was always freezing cold. Not as i was walking to school that is to be expected when you are outside you are a slave to the evil whim of mother nature. I am talking about inside the school. You see, in S. Korea they leave the doors open. WIDE OPEN. I am convinced that in the near future i will see a typhoon hitting and Dorothy and little toto will go flying through the hall because the doors will be open. So i huddled in my English room with the heaters on and it never failed that from time to time someone would just come in and open a window. I would look at them with the not so distant memory of my father screaming BLUE FLAMES!!!! YOU ARE LETTING OUT ALL THE HEAT (when looking at a house to gauge heat loss – the blue color shows heat loss). As the years tick by i find myself being just as conservation minded about the loss of climate control, but more so for the Air Conditioner because i live in Florida and basically the only thing that keeps me alive is Air Conditioning and packing myself in blocks of ice as i walk to the car. I digress… So now we head into summer. It is not super hot but getting hot. I finally figure out how to make the magic boxes in my classroom go from heat to cold! YEAH! no sooner does the room start to cool off my co-teacher comes in and opens the windows. Now at this point i want to run and scream BLUE FLAMES… and slam the windows shut. But i don’t because i know that correcting a co-teacher is really a no-no here and without their support i would spend my days screaming at kids that don’t care about English or America. SO, the second weakness is climate control. If an invading army would infiltrate in a really inhospitable season. They would only have to sit in their heated (or cooled) army bunkers and watch as the soldiers melt from heat exhaustion (or freeze). Again, unless the S. Korean army trains in how to close doors without tripping.

All that being said i think if the S. Korean army got a hold of scooters or small cars the invading army would not stand a chance. Because they live by no real traffic laws here so any invaders would stop at lights and not drive on sidewalks… making them sitting ducks. So, we will call it a wash and i will personally advise that no army leader reading this tries to invade. But if you do, bring small boards and some nails.

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